Welcome to Ask the Church, our series where we seek to answer your questions about theology, church practice, or worship in under five minutes. Today’s question is: “What should I call a member of the clergy?”
It’s a great question. I get asked it from time to time, and I’m often not very helpful because I basically say, “Whatever you want.” And that’s not much of an answer. So today, we’ll attempt to answer that question a little more clearly.
First, regarding deacons: If you choose not to call them simply by their first name—which is always appropriate—“Deacon” plus their first name is a great choice: Deacon Steven, for instance. The more formal title is The Reverend Deacon Steven, but we’ll come back around to the use of the words “The Reverend.”
Now, regarding priests: The old history of the Church was to call a priest Father plus their first name. For some who were raised Roman Catholic or Eastern Orthodox, calling a priest Father Steven feels natural. But for people raised in the Protestant world, that can feel unfamiliar—and some may even say it’s unbiblical.
You might remember Jesus’s words, where He said, “Call no man your father on earth, for you have one Father, who is in heaven” (Mt 23:9). The Church did not adopt the term to break this command, but because it understood that Jesus was forbidding something very particular in that passage.
Jesus was rebuking the Scribes and Pharisees for their love of honor. And in that context, He used a mode of teaching—a mode of hyperbole—that is characteristic of His teaching. In another instance, Jesus said, “If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off” (Mk 9:43). There, we recognize that Jesus is making an important point about the gravity of sin, but the teaching could be stretched to an unnatural extreme if taken literally.
It’s in that context that the Church has understood Jesus's rebuke in Matthew 23:9 to be directed at the love of honor and titles, not at the word “Father” itself. After all, if a human child can’t call his earthly father, “Father,” what is he to call him? We realize that Jesus’s teaching is stressing a specific point about honor and arrogance, without forbidding the use entirely.
This interpretation is further supported by Scripture: Paul calls himself the father of the Corinthian church (1 Cor 4:15), and he refers to Timothy as his child in the Gospel (1 Tim 1:2; Phil 2:22). If Jesus’s teaching were taken to its extreme end-literal interpretation, we’d have to conclude that Paul was rejecting Jesus—which, of course, he was not.
But, for many raised in Protestant contexts, “Father” may still feel foreign or even inappropriate—and that’s okay! Another great choice is Pastor plus the first name. Pastor means “shepherd,” and it acknowledges the spiritual responsibility of shepherding the congregation. Pastor Steven or Father Steven are both great choices.
Other options include Minister, which means “servant.” But “Minister” has always felt a little odd to me—I think of the “Ministry of Agriculture” or something like that, and it feels like it belongs more to government than to the Church.
An older term, one that’s mostly fallen out of common usage, is Parson. Parson, and the related word parsonage, refer to the “person of the church.” The Latin phrase was persona ecclesiae—the person of the church. It originated in the medieval Church of England to describe the rector, and eventually came to apply to clergy more generally. “Parson” is a charming old word—it might be fun to revive it!
Now, let’s circle back to the term The Reverend, which I mentioned earlier. It’s a very formal title—something we would call an honorific—like His Eminence, Your Grace, or Your Honor. The word reverend literally means “the one to be revered.” It’s a very honoring title, one used in formal settings and official listings, but for everyday conversation, it can feel a bit much.
So, in the end, it’s perfectly appropriate—especially in the Anglican world—to call a member of the clergy by their first name. If you’d like to show a bit more respect, “Father” or “Pastor” plus the first name are great choices. But it’s important to remember the spirit of Jesus’s teaching in Matthew 23:9. The love of titles is inappropriate. These terms can express affection, respect, or admiration—but they shouldn’t be something that makes us revere someone in an inappropriate way.
I hope this answer helps! If you have further questions, feel free to email me at steven@incarnationrichmond.org.
And now, go in the grace of our Lord.